


come to me (i know that it's so hard)

by adequater



Category: NCT (Band)
Genre: Alternate Universe - High School, First Love, Fluff, M/M, yukhei mark jisung mentioned for one teeny sec
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-09-20
Updated: 2017-09-20
Packaged: 2018-12-31 23:10:55
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 5,224
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/12143154
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/adequater/pseuds/adequater
Summary: First love isn't exactly all butterflies and flowers like how people claim it to be. It's also moping over his boyfriend Renjun who is currently still too shy to approach him when he wants to. God help him.Or in simpler words; Jeno just likes his boyfriend so much.





	come to me (i know that it's so hard)

**Author's Note:**

> first love is kind of wild
> 
> i'm not kidding when i say that this has been on my mind for so long! i hope this is good. hahah i did this in a rush just because i want to finish it in a day because i can't mull over it and also can't keep it inside until my exams end! sorry if it sucks hahah. title is from svt's expectations!
> 
> warning: unbeta'ed as usual. i'm not a native english speaker so grammatical mistakes and awkward sentences are inevitable and there. i'm trying my best to improve, please understand! :) and there may be too much cursing, maybe, but idc really. haha
> 
> enjoy reading!

Let’s get this straight, Jeno went through the necessary steps to get to where he is right now (well, wherever  _ now  _ is).

 

First, he had that huge and fat ass crush on Renjun. It went..like how crushes are supposed to be. Stupid, giddy, and disgustingly cheesy. Jeno had known Renjun for a long time since they have been going to the same school basically since forever. Renjun moved somewhere during elementary school, and now they’re in their Junior year of high school. So, yeah, a long time indeed. Jeno wasn’t exactly close to Renjun, but they’re acquaintance since they have mutual friends and they had been in the same group when the school organised this English event once. Even then, the crush didn’t appear, and now that Jeno thinks of it, he doesn’t exactly know how the crush appeared except for the fact that it appeared from a shallow thought about how good looking Renjun is. A simple line of thought like, “oh, Renjun looks pretty cute today” turned into a jumbled mess of “oh my God, how would it be if I can just talk to him.”

 

So, yeah. He went through the necessary steps. Of course, with flailing every time he saw Renjun came with a very disgruntled best friend who would wrinkle his nose and listen exasperatedly every time Jeno did all those flailing. Donghyuck was (is) a good listener; he listened to Jeno complaining about how cute Renjun hair looked, Jeno asking him if Renjun could possibly be into guys (Donghyuck’s reply: “Everyone’s fucking gay, Jeno. Especially for you.” “Wait, what?” “Nevermind.”), and he did the necessary bestfriend duty of updating him on Renjun news he heard from grapevine (not that there was a lot), and also wiggling his eyebrows at Jeno every time Renjun passed them. 

 

So where exactly did he go wrong? Jeno is no love expert, but surely when you ask someone to be your boyfriend, doesn’t that mean that the person is, well,  _ your boyfriend?  _ Jeno isn’t exactly a love doctor, but surely if you go to the same school as your boyfriend, you should be able to see him everyday, right? 

 

“ _ Right _ ?” Jeno emphasise, and Donghyuck whose head is bent down in concentration over his Chemistry worksheet gives no attestation to his question, appearing to not have heard the question instead. “Hyuck, answer me.”

 

“Right. Talk to him, then, dude. How can I solve this problem?” Donghyuck whines back, still writing on his paper, and Donghyuck’s immense concentration makes Jeno feel a whole lot useless as he looks at his empty sheet. Fuck Donghyuck. “I mean, I know you think I’m great and something--”

 

“Not really,” Jeno interrupts. 

 

Donghyuck looks up, shooting him a glare as he continues like he wasn’t even interrupted. “But, I’m also a human, Jeno. I may have superpowers or some shit to have managed to convince you to ask Renjun out, but, like, that’s really the best I could do.” He goes back to his worksheet, head bending down once again, and Jeno just stares at his head. “Come on, help me find the concentration of Sodium Hydroxide.”

 

“Sodione with everything, Hyuck,” Jeno chooses to say, and Donghyuck gives him a dirty look in return that immediately makes him focus on the worksheet.

 

❣️

 

If Jeno recalls correctly, the first time the shallow thought about Renjun appeared was when Jeno was late as hell to school and he was running for his dear life to arrive on time for homeroom, wanting to be in class before the teacher left so he wouldn’t acquire an ugly ‘L’ on his perfect attendance. The distance from the entrance of the school to his class isn’t exactly short, but it isn’t exactly long, either. Every morning he usually leisurely walked, but  _ this _ , with two more minutes on the clock till bell, he just had to run, and the realisation that his class was so fucking far was on his mind the whole time he ran. 

 

He almost missed Renjun who was probably running an errand for a teacher, too focused on getting to class on time, and not slipping (a fear he had always have), but he didn’t, unfortunately. Maybe if he didn’t see Renjun leisurely walking to the staffroom, glowing in the morning light, soaking up all the Vitamin D, and just looking like a damned angel, maybe his life wouldn’t be in shambles, and he would probably be getting A’s in Physics. Well, not sure about the second one, but yeah.

 

The fleeting moment of heart flutter and amazement lasted for the whole run (and day) even when the moment he saw Renjun was for barely a second. He came to class out of breath with the teacher getting hold up by Donghyuck who was asking a stupid question just to stall her so Jeno wouldn’t get a late on his attendance (bless Donghyuck), and the teacher pointedly looked at him and Donghyuck to which they both smiled sheepishly at. 

 

“You know that Chinese kid in the same class as Jaemin?” Jeno asked as he arrived at his seat next to Donghyuck.

 

“Uh, yeah,” Donghyuck replied, as he took out his things for the first period. “The really thin one?”

 

“Yeah,” Jeno replied as he sat down as rested his head on the table, and his face facing Donghyuck, “he’s kinda cute.”   
  


“Uh, sure?”

 

❣️

 

Volleyball practice is supposed to be stress-relieving and Renjun-free. It’s not that he’s avoiding Renjun, unlike  _ Renjun,  _ he just doesn’t fucking know where exactly he stands in Renjun’s life so the best way to ignore the responsibility of knowing the clear answer he needs is by hitting the balls to the other side of the court, but of fucking course, Renjun is on his mind, like he always is, and honestly, Jeno shouldn’t be surprised anymore. But maybe if Renjun hasn’t been avoiding him for over almost two weeks ever since he asked him to be his boyfriend, and if Jeno has a little less ego and more balls to just text Renjun, then maybe he wouldn’t be like this. But there’s a lot of maybes when it comes to Renjun, Jeno isn’t even surprised.

 

“You’re so off your game, dude, what the hell?” Mark complains after he sets the ball for the nth time to Jeno only for him to miss it again as it drops lifelessly to the ground.  _ Their  _ ground. 

 

“Yeah, hyung, sooooo off your game,” Jisung, another team member, whines as he puts on his knee pads on the side. But that’s only because Jisung’s a brat and likes to insult his hyungs, so he’s taking the chance to do so when an elder is doing it to Jeno. God damn it.

 

“Brat,” Jeno mumbles, and he throws a ball to Jisung that he cheekily catches right after Jeno throws it to him. “Ugh, sorry, hyung. A lot on my mind, sorry.”

 

“Yeah, yeah,” Mark waves him off and he goes to the sides to take a sip of his water, “you wanna talk about it?”

 

Jeno cackles at that, and so does Yukhei who heard it. “You think you’re wiser than Jeno, Mark?” Yukhei laughs and he just laughs at Mark’s face more as his face contorts in a small pout.

 

“I’m just trying to help, dude,” Mark sighs out, and he goes back to his position. “Since you don’t need your hyung’s help, I’ll expect you to get the ball for once, yeah?” Ouch, Mark can hurt feelings when he wants to, too. A few more balls are set his way before a practice game starts, and Jeno does get back into his game when he’s focused in the game, and his mind is officially Renjun-free by the time they’re done with practice and is cleaning up the gym. 

 

Jeno moves sluggishly to the locker room, where he is already forming a plan in his head of what to do when he gets back to his dorm. He goes to the shower and officially starts his checklist; showering is to be done in the locker room aka right now, even though the water is ice cold, but he doesn’t really mind when he had been sweating buckets inside the humid gym. Then, he gets back to the dorm, and maybe text Donghyuck to accompany him to have dinner together, and then maybe sneak a peek at the dorm’s cafeteria if Renjun is there, and then if he’s not there he’s gonna continue moping as he goes back to his dorm to study Physics and Econs. Then, sleep. So that’s the plan for the rest of the night.

 

Jeno waves a quick and lazy bye to his teammates to which they hollered back at when he finished dressing in his comfortable sweatpants and nike t-shirt his father bought for him when he was in middle school, so the sleeves of the shirt a little tight around his biceps where his muscles are growing from volleyball. Jeno is just shooting a quick  _ have dinner with me  _ text to Donghyuck as he exits the gym when a small cough breaks him out of his trance. He looks up from his phone, and is surprised to find Renjun next to the trashcan outside the gym. Jeno looks at him in awe.

 

“Hi, Jeno,” Renjun says demurely in a small voice, and Jeno finds himself being in love all over again. 

 

Jeno freezes, staring at him, his phone in his hand, his mouth almost comically wide opened. His cheeks are probably stained pink from the shyness he’s currently feeling. His heart is sort of beating too fast for his own good, and he resists the urge to put his finger over his pulse, and count his fucking heartbeat just to see the effect Renjun has on him because his normal heartbeat per minute is 90, and yeah, okay, he’s staring. He pockets his phone quickly, before he realises his sweatpants don’t have pockets, so he shamefully opens his gym bag and tosses the phone inside. 

 

“Uh, hi, Renjun,” comes the belated reply, and Renjun takes that as a permission for him to not lean his body on the wall next to the trashcan, and he gestures for Jeno to start walking. So, Jeno does, and he blurts it out, “were you waiting for me?”

 

Jeno casts a look at him, and sees that Renjun is looking even more demure now than he already was, if that’s fucking humanly possible, and Jeno finds it hard for him to not swoon. “Um, yeah. Haha.”

 

“Oh,” Jeno says, and he feels stupidly giddy. There’s this bubbling feeling in his trachea maybe, that possess him to bump into Renjun’s shoulder. “Thanks.” Oh, shit, did he really just do that?

 

“Sure,” Renjun replies, his voice small and shy, and they lapse into a silence. A silence that Jeno doesn’t exactly find awkward. It just feels comfortable, and flowery. All the slight animosity he felt for Renjun for ignoring him is not there anymore, because all Renjun needs to do is show his cute self up, and Jeno would take him back in a heartbeat.

 

“So,” Jeno begins, and his hand fiddles with the strap of his gym bag, a nervous habit he has. Might as well do it since the object of his gnawing anxiety is here. “Any reason why you have been ignoring me lately?”

 

“Oh, I have?” Renjun asks, and he looks at Jeno in surprise. His surprised face is so damned cute, and Jeno is just a weak man, so he cowers.

 

“No, not really,” Jeno weakly replies. 

 

“Oh,” Renjun replies, confused and cute, “okay.” He’s fiddling with his hands, and Jeno notices that he’s not in his uniform so he must’ve went back to change before he waited for Jeno. Jeno somehow finds that endearing and a little bit too cute for Jeno’s own health.

 

“Any reason why you waited for me?” Jeno chooses to say. A safe route.

 

“I just thought it’d be a nice gesture?” Renjun says, but it sounds more like a question that Jeno raises his eyebrow at him teasingly. “And, er, I miss you, I guess?”

 

Oh, shit. That’s cute. 

 

“Oh, I miss you, too. I haven’t seen you in two weeks!” Jeno babbles, because he has too big of a mouth and can’t keep things to himself. 

 

“You have been counting?” Renjun asks, amused, and Jeno can feel himself heating up shamefully, but he stands his ground.

 

“Yeah, well, love does that to you,” Jeno blurts out, looking cocky, before he realises what his words hold, and also the look horror on Renjun’s face at the cursed L word.

 

“Oh, I don’t think I’m ready for that yet,” Renjun hurriedly replies, and Jeno feels his anxiety and fear eating away at his heart as he stammers out  a reply.

 

“Yeah! Well, I didn’t mean love love. Like like, you know? Like, I like you, so, yeah, of course I was counting days.” Fucking suave. 

 

“Okay,” Renjun says, and he takes a deep breath before exhaling. “What are you doing after this?”   
  


“Oh, I’m just gonna eat dinner at the caf with Donghyuck,” Jeno replies, and he considers his option and pride, “wanna come?”

 

Renjun looks relieved. “Yeah, sure.”

 

They reach the cafeteria shortly after, and Donghyuck wiggles his eyebrows indecently at Jeno at the sight of both of them, and Jeno feels like dying when he can feel Renjun cowering behind him at the sight of Donghyuck’s face. Jeno, out of the sheer need to protect Renjun from his overbearing friend, grabs Renjun’s wrist lightly and whisper to him, “Don’t worry about Hyuck. He’s a dick and teases people a lot, but he’s kinda nice.”

 

“O-okay,” Renjun stutters, not expecting Jeno to do any of that, and Jeno is taken aback by the effect he has on Renjun that he doesn’t know he has, and Jeno is just so fucking endeared by everything Renjun does, it’s unreal. He’s really doomed.

 

❣️

 

Renjun is ignoring him again, and Jeno is moping again. 

 

“You know,” Jeno says as he scrawls the solution of the Maths question on his foolscap paper, “I don’t think Renjun is even aware he’s ignoring me. He doesn’t even care that I miss him like crazy. He doesn’t care that I’m literally begging for him to pay attention to me.” Jeno pauses, considering the next thing he says, before thinking  _ screw it, he’s hurt. _

“What a dick.”

 

“Take a fucking breath, Lighting McQueen,” Donghyuck hisses as he does his own solution on his respective paper. “Take that dick insult back, you know he’s the sweetest person ever.”

 

Jeno whimpers, agreeing. “He’s not a dick,” a quick punch to the calculator, “but he’s ignoring me again, and I hate it with a passion.”

 

“Turn that passion into effort of asking him, then,” Donghyuck retorts, because he’s a smart ass, and Jeno is immediately pouting at his paper. Donghyuck sneaks a look at him, and Jeno stubbornly looks down. “Let me guess, your ego?” 

 

“Shut up,” Jeno mumbles, and he lifts his hand up to get help from the teacher, even if he knows how to solve the problem just so that he can at least delay Donghyuck’s speech about stop having such ego, which,  _ uh,  _ Jeno has heard a lot of times before. 

 

10 minutes of useless explanation that Jeno could’ve used to complete the other two questions in the sheets, Donghyuck begins, “listen, Lee Jeno. You know exactly what I am going to say. I heard from Jaemin that this is literally Renjun’s first time dating someone. Do you expect him to be natural at it? Of course he’s going to be the fumbling one between you two, but since you had some base experience before, don’t you think it’s your responsibility to just take the lead?”   
  


“I hate how you make sense,” Jeno answers as he scribbles his calculations for the next question on the paper, “but I’m scared that I’m going to scare him away.”   
  


“Well, too late for that, don’t you think?” Donghyuck snorts as he looks at Jeno in disbelief. Jeno sets his pen down and looks at him with confusion marring his face.

 

“What do you mean?” 

 

“Dude, don’t be fake,” Donghyuck deadpans, and he elbows Jeno to continue with his Maths before the teacher comes.

 

“I know I’m always fake, but I’m not right now,” Jeno hisses as he picks up his pen and continuing his work, “tell me.”

 

Jeno can see from the corner of his eyes that Donghyuck is considering about whether and not he should tell him, but since he’s an asshole and likes to torture Jeno, he takes out his English books. This is a rule they have in their Maths class. When they’re done with the work of the day, they can do whatever they want right after. “Hm, I’ll consider after I can answer two English questions.”

 

“You can’t even answer one, how are you even going to answer two?!” Jeno exclaims, and the teacher coughs and looks pointedly at Jeno, so he cowers under the scrutinising stare, and also gazes from his other classmates. 

 

“You’re dissing me? You’re not helping your case,” Donghyuck replies, and he sounds like he’s having way too much fun teasing Jeno that he is in pain.

 

“Fine, fine, do it,” Jeno grumbles, and he focuses on his work again.

 

3 minutes later, Donghyuck succumbs, and rests his pen on the table, closing his English book. “So,” he starts.

 

“Yeah?” Jeno replies, and he just finished his work, so he sets his pen down, “come on, you asshole.”

 

“Well, you see, Jeno. You’re pretty famous in school, okay?” Donghyuck begins, and he makes this hand gestures that he probably thinks makes him look like an intellectual, but he just looks stupid, and Jeno can’t see any correlation to his situation with Renjun, so he snorts.

 

“First of all, what?” Jeno interrupts, “I’m not famous, and second of all,” Jeno puts his hands over Donghyuck to stop them from moving around, and he continues, “you look stupid.”

 

“Let me live,” Donghyuck groans, and he tears his hands away from Jeno’s hold before  taking a deep breath before continuing, “as I was saying. Not to toot your damned horn again and whatsoever, you’re pretty damned famous, Jeno. And Renjun is pretty shy, and he doesn’t really like attention, which I’m sure you know and find cute and some disgusting shit, right.”   
  


True, but Jeno isn’t going to admit that, so he shrugs with a sheepish smile.

 

“Yeah, so imagine the whole school finding out that you’re dating one of the most popular boy in school?! Weird, right? Of course he’s gonna back away a little, dude,” Donghyuck leans back (Jeno hopes he falls), satisfied at the look of realisation on Donghyuck’s features. “So you want my advice?”

 

Jeno and his pride, is going down to the drain today. “Yes,” Jeno mumbles, relenting.

 

“Simple, dude. Talk to him. Maybe ask him why he has been distant. I’m pretty sure he would tell you the truth,” Donghyuck shrugs, and Jeno pouts.

 

“But I did!”

 

“Let me guess, did you ask why he has been ignoring you?”

 

Silence. 

 

“You’re literally so stupid,” Donghyuck guffaws, throwing his head back in laughter, and attracting the attention of their classmates, but Donghyuck basks in attention and doesn’t care about people, so he continues doing so. “Of course he was confused, then! Because he doesn’t know how exactly you are supposed to relationship and he doesn’t really know that he has been avoiding you. He just doesn’t know when to approach you, you know?”

 

Jeno plants his face on the table and lets out a quiet groan. “You’re so right. I’m done.”

 

“Can I guess one more thing?” Donghyuck inquires, because he’s a masochist asshole and likes to see Jeno in pain. 

 

“Hit me. It’s not like you care if I get hurt,” Jeno mumbles against the crook of his elbow, and lets one eye see Donghyuck.

 

“You haven’t been texting him, right? You probably don’t even know what his dorm number is,” comes the reply.

 

Another quiet groan from Jeno.

 

“Let down that fucking pride, Jeno Lee.”

 

A sob.

 

❣️

 

Jeno’s confession to Renjun wasn’t exactly romantic. It’s a jumbled mess of hand fiddling and awkward eye-contacts. It’s calling Donghyuck the day before he was going to confess and having a mini rant about how his heart was beating out of his chest, his eyesight was blurry, and his balls are shaking in fear. To be frank and clear, Jeno was scared as hell.

 

Jeno doesn’t exactly remember why he suddenly decided to confess to Renjun back then. But he thinks it’s because Donghyuck pressured him to do so, and his friend was just tired of him whining and gushing about Renjun every time Jeno saw him. It was something like that, but it was also because Jeno himself was tired of crushing on Renjun from afar and not being able to do shit, like, hold his hand (but then, even now, even when they’re together, Jeno can’t even grow a pair and just take Renjun’s hand in his, damn it.). 

 

There were two options he could go to when he developed that irritating and mind-consuming crush on Renjun. He could follow that advice thread on twitter that said that you don’t exactly have to pursue your crush just because you like them, and you can stare at them from afar and wish the best for them. But Jeno immediately saw one tragic flaw if he were to do that. He can’t because like previously mentioned, he sort of wanted (wants) to hold Renjun’s hand in his, to know all the things he doesn’t know about Renjun, tell him about how beautiful he is, and get him to tutor him Physics because the C’s in his report card didn’t look too good and from what he heard from grapevine, Renjun was pretty good at Physics. Not that he wanted Renjun to be his boyfriend for his Physics knowledge only. Damn it. Anyways. To summarise it, he just can’t keep his big fat mouth shut. 

 

Another option was, well, confessing, and asking him out. Jeno doesn’t exactly have the world’s courage, but the mindset he had when he finally decided to confess to Renjun was that he could do all the coupley shit he dreamt of with Renjun. Which was cheesy and disgusting, and apparently unrealistic because the closest thing to coupley interaction he had with Renjun was when Jeno grabbed Renjun’s small wrist in his. So, yeah. Jeno confessed with pretty high hopes. The confession was sort of unplanned and messy. The word ‘sort of’ because all Jeno had in mind when he was going to confess was he was going to do it that week he confessed. He didn’t exactly know.

 

So, Jeno confessed to Renjun when he was passing him, and, uh, pulled him. 

 

“Come with me, please,” Jeno blurted out when he saw Renjun going back to his classroom during break when he was from a teacher’s staffroom.

 

“What?” Renjun asked as he stopped, baffled, probably because the only time Jeno ever talked to him was when they were put in the same group for that English activity, and well, when  Jaemin was with him, which he wasn’t at that time. “You’re talking to me?”

 

Jeno looked at him nervously, darting his eyes from side to side, just to avoid the eyes he had been wanting to look at for quite some time. Fucking ironic. “Uh, yeah. I just have to say something to you.” Renjun stayed rooted, so Jeno grabbed his arm and pulled him to the library because it was isolated during break time except for few students and also because it was the closest thing he could think of. 

 

Renjun somehow managed to break free from the grip when they were on the way, just following Jeno’s lead, and he was now looking at Jeno questioningly, his eyebrows quirking, and he kept looking at his watch in agitation because to be honest, Jeno was being annoying. “What do you want?”

 

“Uh, you see,” Jeno began intelligently, cringes, and he cleared his throat to gain confidence, and he fiddled with his hands. “I like you a lot, Renjun. Do you want to be my boyfriend?”

 

Romantic. 

 

Renjun looked at him in disbelief, and there was this tint of pink on the apples of his sharp cheekbones, and he looked so ethereal and pretty, Jeno was constipating both from that and the nervousness. 

 

“This isn’t a prank right?” Renjun asked, and his voice was higher than it already was, and the question made Jeno furrow his eyebrows in confusion, appalled. 

 

“Why would it be, Renjun?” Jeno asked gently, and Renjun looked guilty for accusing him of such, also probably because he basically just accused one of Jaemin’s most trusted friend of being a shitty person. Yeah, right.

 

“Uh, no reason. It’s just surprising. So I expect the worse,” Renjun replied awkwardly, and he looked around the empty library, fidgeting under Jeno’s watchful gaze.

 

“Your answer?” Jeno asked, a glint of hope in his voice, and his eyes sparkly as he stared at Renjun. The nervousness in the bottom of his tummy gone because the sight of Renjun alone made him calm.

 

“Uh, sure, I guess.”

 

“Oh, let’s exchange numbers,” Jeno said, and the rest was history.

 

❣️

 

That was around three weeks ago. This is present, and Jeno is currently outside of Renjun’s dorm room (he asked) with his Physics materials, gathering up the courage to knock on Renjun’s door. He knocked once, then deeming the knock as too soft, so he knocked again, and then again, just because you can’t be too sure and Jeno is annoyingly meticulous and full of anxiety like that.

 

“Hey,” Renjun says as a greeting when he opens his dorm’s door. Jeno scans him quickly enough for him to not be deemed as creepy and perverted and notes with awe that Renjun is in a Mickey Mouse shirt and also sweatpants. “My dorm was sort of messy, but I tried to clean a bit before you came, so, uh, yeah. Still messy, though.”

 

“Oh, it’s okay, I don’t mind,” Jeno says brightly as he enters, and he almost snorts because it’s not even that messy.

 

All of the single dorms are the same except for those who has roommates. Renjun lives in a single dorm, so his room is the standard, table, closet, bed, and a little bedside table. Jeno can see a Haikyuu!! poster on the wall next to closet, and next to the poster, on another side of the wall, is his study table. On top of it where there is a little shelf, Renjun puts all of his textbooks, files and notebooks. It looks cramped, and Jeno can see that Renjun arranges the ones that don’t fit on the huge table. On his table, other than the books, are his little stationary section, his corkboard and whiteboard. The whiteboard consists of his goals and reminders of homework, and also a studying schedule and checklist. On the corkboard are quotes of motivation and all random photocards and printed little pictures attached to them which consists of a picture of his family, quite a few with Jaemin and his other friends from his class, and one of Jeno that Jeno remembers posting on Instagram. 

 

Jeno turns to Renjun who is searching for something in his closet in surprise and delight. “You have a printed photo of me?”

 

Renjun closes his closet shut, and looks embarrassed at getting caught. “Yeah, you look pretty good there, Jeno.”

 

“Oh, thanks. Now I have to have a picture of you in my room, then,” Jeno laughs, and he settles on the floor where he takes out all of his Physics work, and Renjun sits in front of him, still a bit pink. “You know, I came here to talk about something, too.” Renjun looks nervous, like he’s afraid of what’s to come, and Jeno finds his heart breaking at the anxiety and fear marring his features. “Nothing bad! I just want to clear some things up.”   
  


“Um, okay,” Renjun hesitantly says, and Jeno sort of wants to peck his cheek. Maybe after this.

 

“Renjun, I really, really, like you,” Jeno begins, deciding to go all out, “and, uh, I really just want to know why I haven’t been seeing you and texting you a lot. I want to do that, I swear! But, I just don’t know if you’re down with me showing up at your class during break and eating with me during lunch you know? I just need to know these things, I guess,” Jeno looks down, “you’re not exactly clear about whether or not you like me. And I kind of understand because I asked you out out of blue, and that’s, like, confusing, maybe. I don’t wanna scare you off and anything. But I sort of miss you all the damn time, and want to see you everyday since we do go to the same school and all, and, uh, yeah.”

 

Renjun looks guilty, and that’s the last thing Jeno wants him to feel, so he quickly interjects again, “I’m not blaming you! I swear! I just want to be clear about both our feelings in this, um, relationship. I do consider you as my boyfriend, Renjun. But, do you?”

 

“I do!” Renjun exclaims, and he continues immediately, “I like you a lot. But you’re very popular around school, Jeno. People keep asking me if I’m dating you or not, and it’s weird so I don’t really go out of class that much these days. I also get stared at, and it’s uncomfortable. I’m sorry about that. And of course I don’t mind you going to my class! I would love it!” he looks at Jeno sheepishly, and Jeno sort of wants to take Renjun’s hand in his, so he does, and he leans back on the bed frame. “I’ll try to get over my fears and anxiety, okay. Just, you shouldn;t be scared, too. I was expecting you to take a lead, too.”

 

Jeno hums, and he caresses Renjun’s hand softly, “I guess we were both waiting for each other to make a move.” Jeno laughs. “We’re ridiculous, aren’t we?”

 

“Kind of,” Renjun replies, and he leans back with Jeno on the bed frame, and they justs stare soullessly, but comfortably at the table in front of them. “I was really surprised when you confessed to me, you know.”

 

“Why?” Jeno whines, and he rests his head on Renjun’s bony shoulders. “Did you know how long I’ve liked you? I kept staring at you from afar, I’m surprised you’ve never noticed it before.”

 

“Well, now that I think of it, I have felt holes drilling on my back before,” Renjun teases, and Jeno laughs into the crook of Renjun’s neck. He smells like detergent and cinnamon.

 

“It should be your face,” Jeno comments.

 

“Shallow,” Renjun elbows him, and Jeno laughs again. “So you wanna do Physics?”

 

“Ugh. Maybe after we talk more.”

 

They end up not doing any Physics work that night, and Jeno gets kicked out by the warden when it is already past curfew. 

  
  


**Author's Note:**

> thank you for reading. kudos and comments are appreciated :)
> 
> i'm on [twitter](https://twitter.com/nctkkum) if you wanna follow me! 
> 
> and i opened up a [curiouscat!!](https://curiouscat.me/adequater) if you wanna ask me questions hehe


End file.
